Marriage isn’t a goal. A long marriage is a goal.

Somewhere in between Smirnoff’s and Woodchuck’s on Friday night, a single friend of mine asked “Which would make you more proud of me, that I’m happy and single, or married?”

As he is single, and I’m married, such strange questions occasionally come up between us. I found the question, especially the use of the word ‘proud’ a tad odd. 

Am I proud of my friends who are married? Yeah… the ones who have been married for 10 years.

Am I proud of my friends who are single? Sure. Especially the ones who looked a wedding square in the eye and said “No, this isn’t a good idea right now.” 

Weddings are easy. Marriages are hard. A wedding isn’t a goal. The people who think it is are focusing on the white dresses, the tuxedo and the illusion of having one day in your entire lifetime that is ‘yours.’ 

Yeah… that’s not what marriage is about.  After 10 years, I may not know much about being married, but the white dress is in the closet, many of the gifts have been well-used (though some are still in the box) and my husband’s black shoes have been worn to every wedding since. 

Weddings aren’t special. Marriages are. 

Weddings are to marriages as job interviews are to jobs. For weddings and job interviews we put on special clothes that we would normally never wear, we talk about ourselves in ways we don’t normally. And then comes the first day of marriage and your first day on the job. That first year isn’t so easy.

So sweetie, am I proud of the happy and single you? Yeah. 

Will I be proud on your wedding day (if you ever have one?) Sorta

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Will I be really proud of you, should you ever celebrate your 10^th anniversary? Definitely.